Friday, June 23, 2006

Zany Mama Hypothesis 1: Me = Not Cool

Last night, Zinger Zapper and I went to an Ani DiFranco concert. It was, of course, phenomenally fabulous and energizing. It was also a confirmation of my lack of coolness, my uncoolability, if you will. If cool were on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being Ms. DiFranco herself and 1 being seriously uncool, let’s just say that I’m moving below a 5.

Case in point, I seriously considered not attending the concert that I paid $40 bucks for, not because we are so flush with money, but because it was raining. Okay, it wasn’t just raining. There was a severe thunderstorm warning with a chance of hail and high wind speeds. So, some might argue that my reluctance was understandable and rational. My point is this: at age 20, I would have been all about the concert – whether it was raining, snowing, hailing, sleeting, or a tornado had been spotted in the area.

Once we finally got there – after waiting in our car until the line started to move, because apparently we aren’t fans enough to brave the weather for 20 minutes longer than we had to – we ran into some folks we knew who had spots in the “pit” area right in front of the stage. They invited us to join them, which we did, but I soon found myself thinking, Man, I am just too short for this. Being eight people back from the stage sounds great in theory, but if even one of those people tops 5’5” – which several did – it’s going to be a concert spent on tiptoe with a crick in my neck as I try to see what’s going on.

Again, these are not the thoughts of a hip person. One baby ago, I probably would have found the cutest bystander and made them put me on their shoulders. Instead Zinger Zapper – who on a good day reaches 5’ 2 ¾”, typically because her shoe has a little heel - and I stood looking at the backs of peoples’ necks for about 15 minutes before deciding that we’d had enough. We decided to watch from the decidedly less-cool lawn where we had a clear view.

And this is where I confess what is, perhaps, my uncoolest thought all night. I looked at my watch at 9pm - still waiting for Ani to come onstage, and I thought, Oh my gosh, if I went home now, the baby would be asleep and I could just relax for a little bit and then get to bed at a decent hour.

Now, I love Ani DiFranco. Have attended her past 5 concerts in the area. Listen to her on an almost-daily basis. Think her live shows can be life-changing experiences, and there I was, thinking about going home and going to bed.

Zinger Zapper and I finally found a great spot on the lawn, where we could people watch until the concert started. I had to laugh at myself as I looked at the trendy clothes and all the butt-cracks which were exposed due to super low-rise jeans. Needless to say, when I looked down at my yoga pants and t-shirt, I thought, You know, I should probably go shopping a little more often.

From time to time, I had to sit down to rest my back and hips. Which, of course, was due to injuries sustained during Zane's birth, but really, again with the not cool.

And while I had a great time once Ani came out, I did have fleetingly un-hip thoughts like, Oh Geez Louise, does that lady have to smoke right beside my face. - and - Stop talking – I’m trying to hear the music!

So, I’m not cool. That’s okay by me. I am also not cute – right now I’m working the geek chic angle. I can also tend toward the neurotic at times – especially when my house is on the market.

Perhaps the best thing about being in my 30’s is that I can totally embrace “not cool” and all the other labels that I might have shied away from in my 20’s. There are some real benefits to getting older.


zingerzapper said...

Amen sister!! I find that the best benefit of aging is the not caring factor. This means I can lovingly and adoringly listen to Ani croon while simultaneously thinking, "Man I wish this was inside, where the Hell is the floating man with the dirty feet coming from, and please shut up people so I can hear the poetry." Definetely not cool and yet can't give a shit. Ahh, the benefits of aging outweigh the wrinkles and uncoolness.

Anonymous said...

wait, does that mean i'm not cool, either? i think it might, since i had a very similar experience at the last ani show i went may have been there too, it was at promowest pavilion maybe three years ago. i can hardly go to concerts anymore because i am so totally uncool, and dare i say, old. well, three kids and no money is also a factor, but whatever. anyways, at least i'm not cute. ha. you gonna cut me now?

SRH said...

"If cool were on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being Ms. DiFranco herself and 1 being seriously uncool, let’s just say that I’m moving below a 5."

Be happy you are just now moving below a 5. On that same scale I think I am an apple, or maybe and orange. Nope I just looked it up. On a scale from 10 to 1, where 10 in the coolest and 1 is an utter dweeb, I score a red-brick. That is how far below the scale I rate, red-brick.

Zany Mama said...

Zinger Zapper -
Couldn't we still be considered a little cool since we still go to concerts?

anon -
It means that you are definitely not cool. Sorry about that.

Oh, and I was indeed at the last ani concert you attended. I typically refer to it as Zane's first concert since I was 8 months pregnant at the time.

Oh, oh. (insert sinister voice). You have made a mortal mistake identifying yourself.

srh -
So, being married to you may actually decrease my coolness? Doggone it. The sacrifices I make for this relationship!