Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Geek Chic

It occurs to me that once you cross the threshold into your 30’s, your ideas about attractiveness change. I mean your ideas about your attractiveness and how it is perceived by others changes. For example at 19, I thought that guys looking me up and down on the street was insulting, revolting, and disgusting. Now, I think something along the lines of…okay, he’s a pig, but I must look okay today.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that I’m dreadfully unattractive. I just understand that things have changed a bit in my level of appeal since I hit 30 and became a mom. Personally, I think it has more to do with getting knocked up and having the constant mommy furrow in my brow than real aging, but I digress.

I have, for most days of my life, thought I was pretty/cute – you know, not devastatingly attractive but not hard to look at either. One of those women who had a pretty smile and eyes and could get glammed up for a nice event, but looked just fine without makeup. We can’t all be Halle Berry, and I was relatively content at the pretty/cute level of attractiveness.

Something changed, though, as I moved into my 30’s. Pretty/Cute just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. It seems the purview of coeds and folks who shop in the juniors section, and that’s not me anymore.

So I have decided to move on to… sexy intellectual. And my first step was getting new glasses in the whole “geek chic” vein. Yes, the first step in my new sophisticated, grown woman path was to buy eyewear that made me feel sassy and smart. See below.

And here’s how I imagine this new me will play out in my everyday mommy life.

Scenario one: I will walk into meetings with high level academics and administrators and will immediately be taken seriously. After all, I must be brilliant. My glasses have black frames and are so little that I can look over them to give studious attention to the chair of the committee simply by dipping my chin. (Look one: intense academic)

Scenario two: Zane has bright red splotches on his cheeks. He has a mild fever and still has creaky and squeaky breathing. (All of these things are actually true today, but we're sure that the cheek splotches are a result of the sunscreen that we applied yesterday) Anyway, SRH and I are confused. We don’t know what to make of these various and assorted symptoms. I know what I’ll do. I’ll go on the internet and do research. I will figure out the mysterious ailment and act accordingly. (Look two: sexy librarian/competent mother)

Scenario three: On the playground, Zane is having a meltdown because Little-Bobby-No-Parent-Around is being a bully and smacking him with a shovel. I will quietly and firmly make Bobby stop bashing on my kid, and I will make all of the kids share their toys with each other. After a tranquil 30 minutes of sandbox play, I will then describe how it’s important to understand and respect the needs of everybody and end with a joyful rendition of “Give Peace a Chance”.(Look three: brilliant tutor/peace activist)

I know it seems like I’m putting a lot of expectations onto one simple pair of glasses – but you saw the glasses, right? I’m sure I’m on the road to goddess.

6 comments:

Lsig said...

Oh, see, you can TOTALLY pull off the sexy, sophisticated intellectual thing, because you've already got some of that going on. The glasses just accentuate it.

No glasses invented by man will ever get me there, I'm afraid. Therefore, my last pair has cute red frames. I've decided to embrace "quirky" as my next phase of attractiveness.

Mom said...

I think you're on the road to disillusionment and disappointment. Better check your directions.

Zany Mama said...

lsig-
Thanks for the vote of confidence, and I believe you may have some of the sexy going on as well. Weren't you the woman who was asked to wear something more "appropriate" to church as you were distracting all the male folk? yet another thing you and jessica simpson have in common.

mom-
clever. it's nice of you to assault my self-esteem in cyber space as well as in real life. :)

mom said...

I'm not saying you're not sexy, because that's really hard for a mom to judge. I know you're intelligent, fantastic & fun. I just think if you're putting all your hopes on a pair of glasses (which I have not seen yet) you're going to end up disappointed & disillusioned. Glasses will break and go out of style. You need to build your hopes on something of substance - yourself. Love ya!

SRH said...

but the glasses are HAWT!

Zany Mama said...

mom-
oh, it starts... glasses "which I have not seen yet" is a clear attempt to make me feel guilty for not having you over to my house for dinner this week. When will this emotional manipulation and parental sabotage end?! When?!

srh-
you have ever been into the sexy librarian look.