I AM NOT CUTE

So today’s blog will feature a looking-a-gift-horse-in-the-mouth-rant. Some of you may judge my sob story and say, Oh boo hoo. Suck it up, buttercup. I get called worse things every day before 8am.

But it’s my blog, and I can incessantly whine if I want to…

At work today, the other folks in my office (who I don’t actually work with, they just share office space with my unit) were out in the common area eating some of my birthday cake –which is fine. Even I can’t eat a whole cake by myself. I know I have a reputation for gluttony, but, really, even I won’t eat a whole delicious, white almond cake with white frosting on my own.

Anyway, as I come out of the office, my office mates thank me for the cake and say “happy birthday”. Great. Then as I’m walking away, I hear one of them saying to the group, She’s so cute.

What?! She’s so cute?! Huh?! How about you say, Sweet Mother of Mary that woman is brilliant! She’s so professional. She’s so competent. She’s so organized and knowledgeable.

How about you don’t say “She’s so cute” when the assistant vice provost for minority affairs is at the table, eating MY cake.

For goodness sake, I’m in my 30’s. I’m a professional. Sure, I’m friendly and positive. Some days I’m even a hard worker trying to prove herself in a new environment. I am NOT an intern playing dress up or even a young whippersnapper at her first job at a well-respected university. For good or ill, I am actually employed at said university with a fairly decent non-entry-level position.

I do not aspire to be cute in my professional life. In fact, I’m fairly certain that I’ve passed that up in my personal life as well. As you might recall, I’m going for sexy intellectual these days.

I imagine that part of the reason that I got the stupid “She’s so cute” comment is because I am a bit smaller than the average female bear. I’m not an pixie, an elf - my name would apparently be Seremela Calanor, a munchkin, a sprite, or any other assorted small person, but I am on the wrong side of short.

Let me give some examples to support my assertion that short = cute. My friend Ellen is at least 6 foot tall with long legs to die for. People call her elegant and sophisticated. My friend Tonia is probably around the same height and can be referenced as attractive and dignified. Lsig, also taller than me, is saucy and striking. I don't believe any of these women are considered "cute". However, my friends Brenda and Zinger Zapper – none of us top 5’ 2½ ” – well, we’re Keebler Elves of cute.

I know I’m being overly sensitive about something that was actually a compliment and well-intentioned, but there is a history to this “cute” thing in my professional life.

Scene 1: After a meeting with the board president of an agency that is sucking wind fast and about to go down the tubes, my supervisor and I get up to leave. I explain that I’ll be following up with him on our suggestions re: organizational development and am available to offer both board and staff training on various issues related to non-profit agency administration. Said board president looks at my boss and says, Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come here to help us out. I really appreciate your expertise and thoughtfulness. This guy then puts his hands on my shoulders and says to me, Thanks to you too, Zany Mama. You just look so cute there all pregnant. Good luck with that baby.

Scenario 2: Soon after coming to my new job, I’m at my first meeting with the muckety mucks and a dean says, Okay, Zany Mama, did you get that in the minutes? Even though I’m at the head of the table without a notebook in my hand.

Scenario 3: (within 3 days of scenario 2) At a meeting where I’m taking over part of the administration duties for a particular scholarship fund, the fiscal person says, Oh, I’m sure Zany Mama will file these things for us. She then makes the statement several times, even after my boss corrects her in front of the group.

I’m sure the above incidents were a complex mix of racism, sexism, and she’s-cute-as-a-june-bug-ism. I probably wouldn’t even care except that I am trying to prove myself in the very hierarchical environment of academia when my background is social justice, and I don’t have a PhD.

Comments like, She’s so cute, don’t help my case.

I hate people -even well-meaning, complimentary people.

And, SRH, here's a warning, if you comment back with, But you're so cute, I will cut your heart out and eat it. How's that for cute?