Monday, April 02, 2007

When You Got It, You Got It

The strangest thing happened to me today. I was doing my regular Monday morning things: taking Zane to his OT appointment, getting very irritated about said OT appointment, trekking to the battery store to find a replacement part for Zane’s nebulizer, and making a trip to the grocery store.

A fine morning, really. Not delightful. Not heinous. (Well, the OT was a bit heinous, but I’m working hard to move through this.)

Anyway, it was at the grocery store that the strange thing happened. I got hit on. Like honest to goodness, a man took a fancy to me.

It was so strange that I didn’t really recognize what was happening until it was over. One minute I was wrangling my preschooler; the next, I was walking away from a fairly handsome young fellow feeling slightly embarrassed.

And I don’t tell you this lightly. In fact, I almost didn’t post about this at all. After all, it seems kind of arrogant to while away your time with stories of my desirability. But it’s only arrogant if you don’t realize that it happens to me so rarely that I didn’t even know it was happening until it was almost over.

It happened at the deli counter, which makes sense as my would-be paramour was the deli guy.

And now I will give you an entirely fictional account of what occurred. (Because the real account – of how he smiled goofily at me a few times and then brushed my hand as he handed me my ham – just isn’t all that interesting.)

Deli Bob: Hey, Little Lady. Can I help you?

Me: What? Um, yeah. I’d like a half pound of your London Broil, please. Zane, get your finger out of your nose!

Deli Bob: I’d like to broil some of your London. I’ll get that right for you.

Me: Broil some of my London? I’m not sure that sentence even makes sense. Can I also get another half pound of your turkey ham?

Deli Bob: Nobody likes turkey ham. You’re just coming up with reasons to talk to me. Don’t fight it. By the way, how would you like that sliced?

Me: Thin, but not shaved. And I do like turkey ham. It’s all the flavor of ham, but it’s healthier.

Deli Bob: (brushes my hand as he hands me my deli meat) Is that good? You know it is.

Me: Uh…yeah. Thanks.

So, there it is. My amorous adventure of the day. I've learned a valuable lesson, though: Never go to the grocery store in anything but yoga pants. No one ever hits on the lady in yoga pants.

19 comments:

Dustin said...

Wait, how fairly "young and handsome" are we talking here? Like some 16 yr. old mama's boy hit on you? Because that's kinda sweet and mostly funny (from an older than 16 male point of view). Or like some 25 yr. old Brad Pitt look a like hit on you? Because if it's the latter, pat yourself on the back.

lsig said...

I'm stuck on the "happens so rarely" thing. I don't believe that at all.

Zany Mama said...

dustin-
He was "of age" but young enough to still feel a little sheepish about finding a girl pretty. Probably early 20's.

And, disappointingly, nothing like Brad Pitt.

On a related note, I do get hit on by the high schoolies occasionally. But you must keep in mind that it's because I look 12 years old - and I've got quite a rack for a pre-teen.

lsig-
Don't mock me. That's not nice.

Sue said...

Way to go girl! Hopefully that compliment will boost your week. :) It's funny how you don't even realize it - you get so out of the dating loop when you're married with children. So true on the yoga pants - I'm not one for dressing up when it's just me and the girls. Track suits and yoga pants - sounds like my perfect outfit.

:)

allrileyedup said...

You should have asked Deli Bob to charge you less for the meat.

Ooh, I have a new OT assessment next week.

Karen said...

omg, you just made me laugh so hard! your account of being hit on, i mean. not that you GOT hit on, no way. that's not surprising to me at all.

"i'd like to broil some of your london." bwahahahaaha

oh man, thank you for that.

SRH said...

Hey! Wait a second, why am I only finding out about this on your blog!

nancy said...

I think I am a little jealous. Not that you got hit on, cause I actually think that's kinda great, but that no one ever hits on me.

Well, I did get his on the head with a nerf football the other day...

Zany Mama said...

Sue-
Indeed. I am so far out of "the loop" that I had to be hit upside the head with deli meat to realize I was in the midst of it.

riley-
I completely should have asked for a discount! But would I have had to put out for that? I'm not sure.

Probably best to play it safe.

New OT appt? Fuck.

karen-
I'd do anything I could for my mass-ridden friends. We have to stick together you know.

srh-
You are only finding this out on my blog because you didn't listen to me when I called you - directly after it happned- to tell you about my almost hook up.

I was all, "Hey, some dude just hit on me."

And you were all, "Working! I don't have time to listen to your anecdotes."

Me, "Fine. I've got a blog who listens to me."

See what you miss?

Nancy-
Don't be jealous. I'm quite sure if you wanted to, you could have your own inept grocer come a courtin'.

(Especially if he knew you played football).

Dustin said...

"Me, 'Fine. I've got a blog who listens to me.'"

If only blogs gave back rubs, I'd have no use for further human interaction.

Sue said...

I hope you're still lingering in the glow of how attractive deli boys find you. :)

I just tagged you again. Yes, I know you must think I'm getting annoying!

:)

Thea said...

Holy crap, I almost peed my pants laughing at that. Seriously.

zulhai said...

Oh, you know you're fine!

zingerzapper said...

Okay, this only happened because SRH asked for it in his blog on your hawtness in Cincinnati. Also, I think we need to have a discussion about what a "nice rack" is, even for a pre-teen. I'm just wondering if you forgot to mention that as you were asking for your London to get broiled you weren't doing Downward Dog or some move that screams, "look at me, I'm bendy!"

jw said...

Excellente! Now you must taunt the poor sap! And each time you do, you have to report to your loyal readers.
Hell, I have to live vicariously through SOMEONE.
Here here riley. With the ridiculously expensive prices of meat, you should try for the "Hot Mama Hook Up".

L. Noelle said...

You're obviously a Hot Mama! By the way, I have a very informative post today about Nutritional Intervention and Down Syndrome, in case you are interested, I hope you stop by and read! Thanks.

Nadolny said...

"Never go to the grocery store in anything but yoga pants." If you only wear yoga pants to the store your askign for trouble lady. No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service! But you will get stared at alot.

Zany Mama said...

dustin-
Word.

Sue-
It's definitely not annoying to be tagged with an "award" - thanks!

I'm still figuring out what to do with such accolades, but since they'll probably come rarely to this blog, I don't think I really have much of a problem.

thea-
The trick is to go ahead and go to the potty at the first moment you feel the urge - thereby avoiding embarrassing accidents.

zulhai-
Oh Zulhai, I'm so fine.
I'm so fine, it blows your mind.
Hey, Zulhai! (clap clap)
Hey, Zulhai!

zingerzapper-
I'm sure that I am not the only person who finds it highly ironic that a former victim advocate such as yourself is essentially blaming the victim here.

It's a shame how quickly one loses one's deeply held beliefs and values.

For shame.

jw-
"Taunting the poor sap" would require a level of confidence that I do not have. I simply cannot play the femme fatale. I am a person who snorts quite regularly when she laughs.

You'll have to get your vicarious life somewhere else.

And also, please do not encourage Riley. The woman already has so few limits.

noelle-
Nice to see you back! Sounds like life is good where you are!

nadolny-
But I may get some free deli meat!

jotcr2 said...

Caught you by surprise. I get fed up with therapy appts too. Glad I am not the only one.