Monday, July 17, 2006

Oh Where to Go, Where to Go?

I find it interesting that depending on whom a person knows better – me or SRH – completely colors their perspective on our relationship.

For example, for many years I have had female friends and acquaintances who adore SRH. They think he’s witty, intelligent and hunky - especially ZingerZapper who just cannot seem to keep her dirty mind away from thoughts of him. These friends and acquaintances also think that SRH has the patience of Job. After all, I’m a cheese-a-phobe. I’m persnickety and overly particular. I hate asymmetry – especially in clothes, and I have weak forearms. And then, should they come to doubt their viewpoint, they can read my previous post and reassure themselves that poor SRH is forever at my mercy.

Overall, my friends think that SRH did the world a favor by taking one of their peculiarly high-maintenance friends off the dating market.

SRH’s friends, on the other hand, tell him regularly that he “married up”. According to SRH they think I’m “cute” – aaarrrgh with that word again - sweet, smarter than he is, and funny. They think I am the one with patience. After all, SRH has a pervasive philosophy that he calls “economy of motion” (i.e. laziness) in all areas of his life. He has a deep and abiding fear of change, and he comes with a crazy family. In their minds, I took one for the team when I said “yes” to SRH and agreed to make sure he never pestered another woman with his affections for the rest of his days.

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We’re both deeply goofy human beings who were lucky to find a partner whose imperfections complement each other.

So lately, I’ve been missing SRH in a we-live-together -but-we-are-busy-
working-and-raising-a-toddler kind of way. I see him everyday. We email throughout the days at work, and we do get more together time than many other parents of young children since my mom lives so close to us, but recently it hasn’t felt like enough. I’m not complaining – okay maybe I am a smidge – but SRH and I rarely get to spend more than a 4-hour chunk alone without Zane, and we’ve never had an overnight for just the two of us since he’s been born.

That sounds really ridiculous when I type it out: Zane will be three next week, and he’s never had a night without at least one parent in the house. Occasionally, I’ll have to travel for work, or SRH will, but we’ve never both been gone at the same time.

For our 5th anniversary, SRH and I did a trip to London which was spectacular, and we haven’t traveled alone together since then.

Well, the time has come. In fact, it’s long overdue.

I need at least two consecutive nights without having to do the bedtime ritual. I need at least two days where I am not thinking about the peanut content or cross-contamination in any meal I eat. I need 48 hours where I haven’t checked Zane’s breathing to see if it’s audible and/or taking effort. I need to take a shower where I am not at all concerned about how long it is taking me.

So, I have begged and cajoled, schemed and planned, and SRH has finally agreed that we should take a small vacation – alone, just the two of us - in August. Because, believe it or not, he’s more reluctant to leave Big Z than I am. I’m sure that this is counter to all the “mama instinct” crap that permeates popular culture, but the truth is I’m just more sure than Zane will be completely okay without us.

We’re going for it. We are deciding on a place tonight, and I’m booking it tomorrow. It won’t be London, but it will be some time alone with my very best friend in the world. Thank goodness!


Anonymous said...

Congrats on your 48 hours away together (could you make it during the week, just for me? LOL). 3 years is a long time to not have had a vacation away together alone. And at this point, does it really matter where it is?

Yes, I do realize I'm giving the milk away for free...blah, blah, blah. But since we are both only children, one of us has had a really bad marriage and the other has a horrible fear of marriage, I think the "Shacking Up" is the best way to go. It's showing our commitment to each other with a "get out of jail free card", just in case. And surprisingly mom and dad have no issue with it, they figure whatever makes me happy. And if it doesn't work, there's not shared property! Yeah, I need therapy, I know.

Tree Monkey

lsig said...

Hmm. Having met you both at the same time, I'm not sure I have an opinion about who traded up. Clearly, though, you were both slumming when you became friends with us (although as I recall, JoeBev was busy the night of our first "date", so you were probably desperate).

Dustin said...

Yay for getaways! Do you think Z's new puppy persona will aid him in having to deal with out mom and dad for 2 fays?

Dustin said...


Zany Mama said...

Tree Monkey -
Sounds like shacking is the way to go then. Well, and therapy, but you have to realize that I'm very skewed on the therapy thing - having been a therapist, I have a tendency to believe that talking about your issues really does help resolve them. Of course, the director of the flat earth society probably strongly believes in his vocation as well.

What about womanly solidarity? Or even just typical human duplicity - you know tell me that SRH is lucky on this blog and then go to his blog and say that I'm the lucky one?

Since the four of us have a bet about how long a certain couple-who-
shall-remain-nameless will stay married. I think we are ALL horrible, horrible people. Just right for each other.

Although the puppy persona may help, I believe it will be my mom's complete inability to set limits and her overwhelming willingness to spoil him that will get Z through the weekend.

I expect to come back to a "puppy" who is much like Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell - pampered, privileged, and completly out of control.

Anonymous said...

Every couple has couple friends. When those couples are together, they have a tendency to talk about the couples who are not presently around. This is just human nature. Everyone likes each other but you always make fun of the people not around. When the RH's and Sig's get together, we make an evening out of poking fun towards another couple friendship because they truly are a screwed up relationship. I truly like the people but when they are not around, it is fun talking about them. I expect them to do the same when i am not there.

I am sure the when the Sig's are not around, people talk about how much better looking he is then her. or how intelligent he is and she is lucky to have found that man beast. Or what kind of poison do you think she will eventually use on him? Does this bother me, hell no. i would talk about us if i weren't hear right now.

After reading this post from zany, i am afraid this will be the new fuel next time i am back in ohio with some of the ol' gang. I am just giving you a heads up. I love you both like in-laws but this just ain't right. 3 years and no time apart from the spawn for just some alone time? wow. i was floored when i read that. I am glad you have finally decided to fix this. i ain't no doctor but i once tried to play one on tv, and i say this can't be good.

you are actually better off then a friend of mine that used to work with me, Rob. He admitted to us that him and his wife had not done anything without the child for almost 3 years. Not a dinner alone or with another couple and no child. Not a movie, or show. nothing. If they could not bring the kid, they would not go. I know for a fact that you have gone places without him while mom watched him, so you aren't the worse case. And yes, we still make fun of Rob both behind his back and to his face about this.

So if you were curious what we say about you when you are not around, you now will know.

xxooxxoo - ksig

Zany Mama said...

I think I speak for breeders everywhere when I say, You don't know man. You just don't know...

...on the other hand, it is quite pitiful, and I will try to remedy my it shortly.

Oh, and we're all clear on what poison she'd use. Really.

SRH said...

Yep, she has all but given us a written outline of your demise.

lsig said...


I guess that'll teach me who I can and can't share my homicidal schemes with. Geez.

Zany Mama said...

Unfortunately, it's true. I'm a mandated reporter and SRH rats out his friends at the slightest provocation. We are not the people to whom you should tell murderous secrets. We probably should have mentioned that 12 years ago when we met you guys.

lsig said...

Well, yeah.