Saturday, February 28, 2009

My Questions Now

One of my favorite quotes:

I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

So, in the spirit of Rilke (ha ha!), here are the questions I’ve been asking myself recently – some profound some silly:

1. What should I boldly say “yes” – and courageously say “no” – to right now?

2. What do my children need from me at this moment?

3. How come Zane never has enough socks? We’re forever doing laundry…

4. Why is hemp milk so expensive? Why does oat milk suck when you heat it? When will I be able return to the joy ‘o soymilk?

5. How can I hold my family so that we move into this next chapter gracefully and with courage?

6. How do I parent two children gracefully?

7. What’s my preoccupation with being graceful? Life is messy.

8. How do I let others help me? What help do I need?

9. How can two children of the same parents be so different?

10. Has ZZ’s cancer returned? (Thankfully - the answer is “no” to this one.)

11. What will SRH’s next job be? What is his is Work?

12. Will it be in Columbus, Ohio?

13. Am I pulling my weight?

14. What can I have to eat?

15. How will I tell the story of this part of my life in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?

16. Which is the right school for Zane?

17. Okay, we’ve found it…the right school. Will Zane get into this school?

18. Who do Scott and/or I have to sleep with to get Zane into this school?

19. What’s next for us? (Besides sleeping with school administrators…)

20. How come having a water fight in the kitchen at the end of the night makes everything okay?

Okay, so there are some of my questions. I’d ask for the answers, but if I’m to believe the quote above, I must live my way into the answers. So that’s what I’m doing...living into the answers, y’all.

What are some of your questions?

5 comments:

imadramamama said...

Dude. So stealing this.

Anonymous said...

patience and persistance for the school. don't accept an offer right away unless it's the school you want. make friends with the patient lady at the school choice office. feel free to call the principle if he doesn't get in right away. make sure she knows you; and knows how dedicated you are to getting in. he'll totally get in through the lottery though. Because your family? Totally deserves for this to be simple. Thanks for calling tonight. xo

Anonymous said...

My questions:
1. Now that THE cancer hasn't returned, how do I live with the knowledge that it could (not so gracefully since this has never been my strong point)?

2. What am I willing to tolerate in my life so that I die a happy old woman who felt as if she truly lived?

3. How can I raise a son in a way that allows me to protect him while simulaneously knowing someday I will have to set him free?

4. How do I deal with the conflict of being a union sympathizer while simultaneously being irritated by union staff behavior (see, no grace)?

5. How do I help my friend who is helpless to ask for help because she hasn't answered her own question yet?

Glad to see you back.

ZZ

Sue said...

Great questions. Makes you thinkg. I don't always verbalize my questions - maybe I should. Good luck with Zane's school. I too struggle with the parenting questions - I so want to make the right choices for them...

p.s. I hope you don't have to sleep with any school administrators. ;)

Zany Mama said...

dramamama-
cool...

anonymous-
thanks for the advice...i've already made my first friend at the school choice office.

another question: why did m. have to move away?! stupid m.

zz-
goooood ones. wow, who would have known such a saucy wench was capable of that level of introspection?

sue-
questions are good...and maybe the school administrators will be hot! :)