Sunday, July 08, 2007

Sunday Evening Lunacy


I consider myself a relatively smart person. I mean I’m no Stephen Hawkings, but I was valedictorian of my high school class. And if that doesn’t convince you of my intellect (perhaps because you know I went to high school in southern Ohio with a student body of less than 400 people), than you should also know that I was a National Merit Scholar.

And I can almost hear you thinking, “Well maybe she’s book smart, but does she have any common sense?”

So I’ve heard this one a lot – the one where someone is called book smart as if it is derogatory with common sense becoming the gold standard of intelligence. Although to be truthful, I’ve never heard it before in reference to me. I assume that this is because to the casual blog reader observer, I appear to be neither book smart nor particularly full of common sense.

Whatever. In my life, my mother is the Queen of Common Sense. I guess growing up in a poor Irish farming family with an alcoholic father and bitter, bitter mother is the recipe for developing common sense sovereignty. I’m not quite sure if that’s the case, but I do know that the woman knows a no-nonsense answer to every quandary.

At least three times a week, SRH and I have the following discussion:

Me: I don’t know…what do you think?

SRH: (Shrugs) I don’t know…what do you think?

Me: Maybe I should call my mom?

SRH: Yeah.

Anyway, I may not have the common sense of my mother, but I’ve never considered myself a slouch in that department.

So explain to me how, this very evening - when I was washing about 250 plastic balls in bleach water to fill up Zane’s new ball pit, which incidentally, the OT is thrilled for him to have because, you know, it provides deep pressure which is helpful for both his tactile and proprioceptive systems. And anyway, I had to clean the balls in bleach water because my dear friend, M, got them off Craigslist for mere pennies, but they were filthy because their previous ball pit home was located out of doors - I had a huge breakdown of sound judgment.

Why, I ask you, would I …

…choose to do said bleach water washing in my new cute lime green top…

…while standing on the irreplaceable Scottish wool blanket that SRH and I bought in London on our 5th anniversary trip

…and upon realizing the idiocy of this behavior by noticing white spots on the aforementioned top and blanket, I would STILL run my fingers through my hair before washing my hands.

I’m sure that tomorrow morning, I’ll have unflattering orange highlights on both sides of my head. Because that’s what happens to Black hair when it’s bleached, right? It becomes an unwieldy, nappy burnt orange? It doesn’t become blonde does it?

Because if you’ve known me for more than 5 minutes, you are aware that I think that Black people with blonde hair are an abomination. Something nature never intended. (Even Beyonce, beautiful woman that she is, struggles as a true blonde.) And I feel fairly certain that the superstar doesn’t get her ‘do by running bleachy fingers through uncombed hair while trying to put together a toy for their child at 9pm at night after a long, exhausting weekend of play dates, cleaning house, and brunch making.

So, um, yeah, I think we’re clear on the verdict here: I may be a little book smart, but not so much with the common sense.

20 comments:

zulhai said...

Ouch!

lsig said...

On Wednesday, I turned to ksig and said, "That's weird that the history channel and the Discovery channel are both airing shows about the American Revolution."

On Wednesday. July 4th. Real mystery, that.

Needless to say, he enjoyed that very much.

Sandy said...

Okay, tee hee, tee hee. That was one way to move a mood from sad to hilariously giggling.

ZZ

Karen said...

bwahaahahahahahahahahah....ahahahahahaha.... oh man, i am SO laughing at you!

Anonymous said...

I feel bad laughing at your expense, but that sounds so much like something I'd do. And I don't have a mother that is the "queen of common sense", we entrusted her mom to that feat, but she past away 3 years ago and we've been lost since. We have learned from our mistakes though and when we do something "dumb" it's really dumb. I guess if you are going to do it, you should do it right.

This is the girl that goes to get her hair colored with new shirts on all the time and I still haven't learned that they always get something on them. Stupid me!

Tree Monkey

Thea said...

Oh no, I don't know whether to laugh at you with striped head or cry because of the blanket...

What am I saying? Of course, I'll laugh at your hair...

mom said...

Before you feel too inferior, remember me brining the turkey.

Maybe you could have washed them in the washer?

Garbo said...

When I think of Black women with blonde hair, I think of the young women on the Indiana Avenue bus I used to take to downtown Indianapolis in the 1970s. There were a few of these women so tough -- how tough were they? -- they'd have white-blond, or rather silvery-white-blonde Afros picked out to about twelve inches from the scalp. I never, never looked at those women or breathed in their direction. That shade of blonde said, "Got a problem with me? Bring it." I did not want to bring it at any time, ever.

Zany Mama said...

Zulhai-
Yeah.

lsig-
I'm grimacing in pain with you on this one. He will probably never let you forget this one.

I, however, am not laughing. Not. one. bit.

zingerzapper-
Glad I could turn that frown upside down. (Ha ha - I crack myself up!)

karen-
You are might laugh-y for someone standing so close to the CHOICES epicenter for cancer.

The thyroid was just a trial run. Be nice to me or there might be something else for you...

:)

Tree Monkey-
Having never had my hair colored, I wouldn't have guessed that you'd need to wear an old shirt.

Don't they have those smock thingy's? Aren't they supposed to protect you?

Thea-
Well, this directly impacts my decision re: whether to be supportive at your play on Friday or heckle you...

Hmmm...guess I'll just have to wait to see how I'm feeling this Friday.

But don't worry, I'll probably be over your laughter at my misfortune by then. Probably.

mom-
The fact that you remember the one time you did something that wasn't completly sensical simply proves that you are the goddess of common sense.

I'm not sure how the apple fell so far from the tree on this one.

garbo-
Ha! Your comment made me snort out loud!

I do, however, want to give support to your "bringing it" skills. I suspect you could bring a thing or two.

Probably best not to do it with that particular group, though.

Karen said...

there's something especially wrong about a former DV worker threatening another DV worker. i'm just sayin'. :D

oh man, cancer threats aside... i'm STILL laughing at you. how soon do i get to see your stripey self?

Karen said...

another *former* dv worker, that is. :D

Zooland said...

I'm a little late at this response but was real glad to hear your Mom's voice on the subject; wanted to point out the positive of having a cute ruined outfit to paint and slop around in; and the subject of Black women, white women, all women coloring or changing their hair is loaded with potential for a lot of interesting conversation........

belsum said...

Oh yeah. Sounds familiar. I washed the shirt I was wearing at Kirk's birthday party without doing a stain treatment first. And it was coated in lollipop spittle from a freshly turned two-year-old. I'm afraid that's permanent. And it was a brand new shirt. Of course.

Lynn said...

Yikes!!

I hope you can dye it back. Maybe mascara can help hide it if you have to wait for an appointment.

Don't feel too bad. My hair was once green (accidentally). Ain't nothing natural about a white woman with green hair, either. And it wasn't even Halloween...

zulhai said...

Just go with it. Big flashy earrings. If anyone seems to be staring, hold up your palm and give the Vulcan sign for "Live Long and Prosper."
Then tell us what happens!

Zany Mama said...

All-
In an effort to have something close to full disclosure, I should tell you that I did not wake up with stripes on Monday morning. I can't even really tell where I ran my fingers through, although I'm sure in certain lights I see something...

I am - to no one's surprise - a bit of an anticipatory worrier.

karen-
One is never a former DV advocate, it's just a fact of life.

And the irony of my threats is part of what makes them so fun.

Just say the word re: hanging out.

zooland-
Yes it does. I'm not a fan of the hair coloring myself. I tend to always like folks in their natural shade.

Except Madonna. I think she's best in the very deep brunette family.

belsum-
Put it in a memory box and call it a keepsake. Then it will seem like an intentional act on your part.

Lynn-
Green, huh? And not from chlorine? Was the bottle mislabled?

I must know more.

zulhai-
My modus operandi these days is just to "go with it" - however, I wouldn't have considered the vulcan thing.

I may do that just for fun.

Karen said...

i meant former worker, not advocate. basically i meant there's no paycheck anymore. not that there was much of one to begin with...

re: hanging out: how about after i'm radio active (so like, after next week)? maybe i'll test out my new super powers on you! or i could possibly do sometime this weekend.email me and let's chat.

unless you want to come over tonight. then i'm free, too. just stuck at home since randy is out of town. :)

allrileyedup said...

Ditto to Asian people with black hair. How did your hair fare?

allrileyedup said...

You know, I happened to notice that my comment below says Asian people w/ black hair when it should have said Asian people with blond hair.

Lynn said...

The green hair was a bad dye job. The hair dresser screwed up big time. The really embarrassing thing was that I left the salon with wet hair because I was late for a class. My hair was dry by the time I got there, by which time my new hair color was painfully obvious. Very bad for the ego.