Apparently, it IS a Tooma…

…but it’s not cancerous.

They’re still overwhelmingly sure of that – when I saw the surgeon today, he assured me that he’s “90% sure” that it’s not cancer.

(Some of you may be wondering why he’s not 99.9% sure like he was last week. I wondered that, too, and I think the answer is that he wants me to do yet another test, so that we can be even more sure. And if he maintained his 99.9% figure, I would have very little motivation to do the next test, which will most likely involve another IV and a tightly enclosed space.)

Unfortunately, it is now officially a tumor. A tumor of the focal nodule hyperplasia kind. And it’s a big one. A huge one. So big it could eat my head if it were located in my cranium, but it’s not, so it will have to be content to feast upon my liver.

Picture this: one and a half golf balls wide – that’s my tumor. And it’s spherical, so it’s also one and a half golf balls long. (And most likely one and a half golf balls deep, but he didn’t specifically mention that one).

I have a huge tumor. A gigantor lump. A big old honkin’ pile of cells growing abnormally in my gut.

But it ain’t cancer.

The treatment of choice is to “watch it”, which is what we started doing by having the abdominal CAT Scan last week. I’ll have an MRI in June, where they will gain even further assurance that it’s not cancer and see if it’s shrinking. It should shrink – that’s the going theory.

In the meantime, I am not to do anything crazy like get pregnant and/or use any hormone-based contraceptives. If so, my whopper of a mass may grow even larger, bleed out, or explode. (Okay, now I’m just being silly, but I’m really not supposed to add unnecessary hormones to the mix.)

And since it’s going to be around for a while, I’m wondering if I should name it.

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In other unrelated news, we had Zane’s second OT appointment today. It was much better than the first, but really, the only way it could have been worse would have been if the therapist had vomited on me.

I’ve decided to let Zane continue through the evaluation phase, and then make a decision about whether to continue. Mostly because I hate myself, and I’m totally into that special kind of hell a parent experiences when you sit by and watch your child fail to complete tasks that most kids his age can do and a stranger gets to write it all down on a piece of paper.

Still working on some issues there.

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On another unrelated note, Zane had his first dentist appointment today. His teeth are “perfect”, and he did amazingly well.

Unfortunately for Dr. Boylan, he and his office are now known as the generic “Dennis” at our house.

Zane can’t wait to go back to the Dennis. He gets toys at the Dennis, and Dennis cleans his teeth really well. Dennis gave him a Pooh brush.

Dennis is da man.