Monday, March 19, 2007

Apparently, it IS a Tooma…


…but it’s not cancerous.

They’re still overwhelmingly sure of that – when I saw the surgeon today, he assured me that he’s “90% sure” that it’s not cancer.

(Some of you may be wondering why he’s not 99.9% sure like he was last week. I wondered that, too, and I think the answer is that he wants me to do yet another test, so that we can be even more sure. And if he maintained his 99.9% figure, I would have very little motivation to do the next test, which will most likely involve another IV and a tightly enclosed space.)


Unfortunately, it is now officially a tumor.
A tumor of the focal nodule hyperplasia kind. And it’s a big one. A huge one. So big it could eat my head if it were located in my cranium, but it’s not, so it will have to be content to feast upon my liver.


Picture this:
one and a half golf balls wide – that’s my tumor. And it’s spherical, so it’s also one and a half golf balls long. (And most likely one and a half golf balls deep, but he didn’t specifically mention that one).


I have a huge tumor.
A gigantor lump. A big old honkin’ pile of cells growing abnormally in my gut.


But it ain’t cancer.


The treatment of choice is to “watch it”, which is what we started doing by having the abdominal CAT Scan last week.
I’ll have an MRI in June, where they will gain even further assurance that it’s not cancer and see if it’s shrinking. It should shrink – that’s the going theory.


In the meantime, I am not to do anything crazy like get pregnant and/or use any hormone-based contraceptives.
If so, my whopper of a mass may grow even larger, bleed out, or explode. (Okay, now I’m just being silly, but I’m really not supposed to add unnecessary hormones to the mix.)


And since it’s going to be around for a while, I’m wondering if I should name it.

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In other unrelated news, we had Zane’s second OT appointment today. It was much better than the first, but really, the only way it could have been worse would have been if the therapist had vomited on me.


I’ve decided to let Zane continue through the evaluation phase, and then make a decision about whether to continue.
Mostly because I hate myself, and I’m totally into that special kind of hell a parent experiences when you sit by and watch your child fail to complete tasks that most kids his age can do and a stranger gets to write it all down on a piece of paper.


Still working on some issues there.

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On another unrelated note, Zane had his first dentist appointment today. His teeth are “perfect”, and he did amazingly well.


Unfortunately for Dr. Boylan, he and his office are now known as the generic “Dennis” at our house.


Zane can’t wait to go back to the Dennis.
He gets toys at the Dennis, and Dennis cleans his teeth really well. Dennis gave him a Pooh brush.


Dennis is da man.

14 comments:

carmen said...

I've done the OT route. If you want to talk, email me.

lsig said...

I suggest we name it "Bruce".

(Seriously, the best of good thoughts are being sent your way. Behave yourself and go to your tests like a good girl, mind?)

Dustin said...

So glad your golf ball isn't the nasty kind. As for the OT testing...I'd like to see another kid Zane's age force two grown adults to sleep at their behest (or at least that's the tale your hubby is weaving"). Make that a "task" in the test and see who comes out on top. =)

zulhai said...

It sounds like of like a mole. Maybe we can think of it as a beauty lump, decorating your liver.

K said...

I'd suggest Chip.

S. said...

Slartybarfast (from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy)!

Sorry they are making you wait it out. Those kind of DR's drive me nuts.

Bon said...

sweet merciful...you're having a rough week.

very glad your golf ball isn't cancerous - and i think the suggestion of calling it a beauty lump is fabulous. a beauty lump named...i dunno...Keith Richards? Keith Richards seems to be immune to liver damage, after all.

take good care. :)

Thea said...

I vote Bob. Or George. Or Stupid Tumor.

I hope the OT things pans out.

And doesn't Dennis rock? We had to visit Dennis as an emergency about 6 or 9 months ago and we go back next month for his first regular checkup. And despite the fact that Dennis took a tooth out the last time he was there, he's still psyched about going. Go figure.

Mom said...

I think you should call it Mark. Or maybe I'm just bitter.

Lynn said...

Let's call it The Incredible Shrinking Tumor. TIST for short. Thinking of you, and wishing you the very, very best of good health.

Zany Mama said...

carmen-
I will email you, but give me a minute cause I've got to lug my big old tumor over to your site to get your email address.

lsig-
Bruce? As in Bruce McColloch my favorite Kids in the Hall guy? Oh wait, that may have been Mark McKinney. Oh shoot, no it was Kevin McDonald.

Crap, the tumor's big enough to have all their names. Done.

(Also, I talk a big anti-medicine game to maintain my street cred, but I will absolutely follow up on all recommended procedures and visits.)

dustin-
I think you may have picked up on SRH's tale-telling ways. We all know that SRH doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do at any time. The man has a will of iron.

Zane got that from his papa.

zulhai-
Ah, a beauty lump. I like it. I like it fine.

I'll be like the Cindy Crawford of the liver tumor set.

k-
As in "chip off the old liver" chip?

s-
Hey, my liver is cool man. Slartybarfast is more for SRH's liver tumor. (Of which he doesn't have one...yet.)

bon-
I will have a hard time thinking it's a "beauty lump" if it's called Keith Richards. There never has been a person who looked more like an old, tired, mumbling monkey.

Thea-
I think we'll keep "Stupid Tumor" as a nickname.

Did you see THE Dennis? Because that man is like a Columbus area dental rock star.

mom-
I'm afraid if I called it Mark you might hit me in the liver.

Good one, mom.

Zany Mama said...

lynn-
How bout we call you "Sneaky Lynn"?
Holy cow, I hit publish and there was an extra comment. How'd you do that?

Thanks for your sneaky wishes - in three months we'll see if it has indeed lived up to it's TIST moniker.

nancy said...

I am very shocked to read this, and how the hell could they not see this earlier? You sound so strong and optimistic about this - admiration for you!

Since you've gone all golfball like in describing it...how about naming it:
Tiger?
Jack (Nicklaus)
Vijay (Singh)
Phil (Mickelson)
Arnold (Palmer)
FRED (couples) he is my fave...

Just got me thinking about golf.

Hope you are feeling better. This is scary stuff, no?

Zany Mama said...

Nancy-
Thanks for your wishes and the suggestions.

And it's completely scary, yes. Last night I "pinched" the tumor doing a yoga posture and totally freaked out. Now, of course, I have been pinching this tumor for a few years now, but didn't know it. It is somehow different now that I KNOW it's a tumor.

But I am also feeling strong and optimistic. It will just take a bit of adjustment.