Thursday, December 07, 2006

What Have I Done?

One of the most difficult conversations I’ve had as a parent involved discussing guardianship of Zane should something happen to SRH and I. Last summer, we had to have this conversation as we made our wills. We figured something like, Hey, Zane’s two now. It appears that he’s going to stay around a while so maybe we should start planning for his future.

(As an aside: I realize that it is a function of my privilege that I didn’t have to think about this until my child was two. Some of my dear friends have to do this immediately upon the birth of their children as they have no legal custody rights in our state.)

Anyhow, it was an uncomfortable conversation to have – especially as SRH and I were in two different states when we had it. SRH was with his friend Captain McArmypants in Colorado, and I was on the phone with them as said captain, who is an attorney, wrote up our will.

So we get to the point in the conversation where we have to figure out who, after my mother, would get Zane. And while there’s nothing wrong with SRH’s parents, there’s not anything particularly good about them either. And his brother is a numb-nut.

So we’re going back and forth about what friends we could ask, when the good captain clears his throat and says, Uhmm hmmm…I could take him. I mean for Chrissakes I’d be at least as good as SRH’s brother.

True, and with that moving declaration, we were sold. Captain McArmypants – single, unwilling to experience feelings, odiferous man that he is – would be third in line, so to speak.

And nothing has made me really question that decision – even though we learned that The Captain will be going for a tour of duty in Afghanistan in January. When he visited us over Thanksgiving, he and Zane had a great time together. Zane adored him and refused to take off the JAG shirt that The Capt. got him for over 24hours.

So, I had no second-thoughts until I opened my computer’s “shared folder” this evening and found this:

(The red caption says, See you in a year. I ask that you make this your desktop so Zane won't forget my face.)

Anyone else willing to take over the 3rd spot?


Anonymous said...

HOW CAN THIS GUY BE SINGLE!!! Anyway, it seems like a reasonable request. Did you make this your desktop background?

p.s. "Unwilling to experience feelings!" There is no way you can look at that picture and say he is he doesn't experience feelings......... Lunacy is a feeling right?

Anonymous said...

I know this conversation...we did it when the boys were around 6 months old. We have excellent caregivers should anything happen, but doing it all legally and such just made it way too real.

SRH said...

In Capt. McArmypants's defense. He took that picture of himself after spending a week or so by himself cut-off from society, ummm... voluntarily. Yep, he, on his own, retreated to a wooded refuge to not interact with anything human. Sweet Jeebus! He is like one digitl camera away from going all Unabomber on us, isn't he?

Ummm... Honey? Did we make a tragic tragic mistake?

Nadolny said...

bahahaha, that is a funny photo. Nice.

We had the discussion at Scoots birth, but when Andie was born, we thought it through and changed the order of succession. It's a difficult decision. We know who we think would do the best job, but we also had to think about who they would be most comfortable with, who would be best abel to financially, etc... Tough stuff that decision.

zingerzapper said...

I feel your pain about this decision. You want to make sure your kid knows the person/couple well enough to not be scared to death when they are whisked away and at the same time realize that sometimes your family that truly loves him is too crazy to take on full responsibility. I think constantly showing Zane this picture would at least let him know what he is getting into.

Anonymous said...

I'm not hurt.

lsig said...

ksig and I have had this conversation despite having only theoretical children at this point. We're blessed with having a couple of good choices available.

The problem for the poor lil'sig is that (s)he's got to go through us first...

Mimma said...

I just found the will to live. For at least 15 more years.

Anonymous said...

our list is possibly 18 people long just to ensure that a few certain family members never get their hands on our kids (okay, most family members). that photo may give me nightmares, and i'm sure someone on our list would be happy to be your third. for instance, numbers 7-18 are unlikely to be called to duty, so i could introduce you (numbers 1-7 are our cushion, you know, in the event of some sort of nuclear event). -the lady formerly known as dude. dude.

Zany Mama said...

I stand corrected - lunacy is a feeling. And truly, the absence of feelings is, indeed, a feeling. Kind of like the color "black".

Dreadful conversation, that. It's good to have it out of the way - until something (a picture, say) comes into your mind to give you grave doubt about your choices. :)

I guess we don't have to worry about him exposing Zane to undue influences (besides himself, that is)- the unabomber/captain is kind of a loner.

It's kind of picking your poison, I suppose.

It is a fabulous pic isn't it? You should see his driver's license and other forms of photo identification. This particular "crazy" look has a long, rich history for The Captain.

How interesting that you didn't volunteer to be number 3! :)

BTW, it is NOT our wallpaper. Even though it makes me laugh heartily every time I see it.

Don't be hurt. Remember The Capt. has to come all the way from Colorado to claim the kid. There's probably time for an "abduction for his own good" to Zanesville.

I'd say going through the sig's is good preparation for anything baby sig may have to experience. You could probably leave s/he on a street corner after age 5 and they'd probably be fine...well, not in DC.

I'm pleased that you're planning on it. What lifestyle changes are on your agenda? :)

To the woman forever in my heart known as dude-
Oh sure, rub in my face that you guys have SO MANY friends that you could lend us your alternates.

Just for that, you're going on the list.

zingerzapper said...

Hey, I did volunteer during the actual process. I thought I could be the #2 choice but now I guess I can take a punch and be #3. Damn McArmypants and his singleness and lunacy. Boo Hoo.

Anonymous said...

we do have lots of friends. we are very popular and exciting. not that you would know. you are always out or busy or with sickness. so shut up and come over already. or we may add you to the list for spite. and being added to our list= much worse then being added to yours.

kim said...

i am my numb nut brother's first alternate for my nephew. great post. truly.