Last Minute Christmas Shopping

I have now discovered that my beloved partner, SRH, has an evil-genius plan to get the best Christmas gifts of anyone in our family. And here’s how he does it:

Two to three months before the big day, I ask him what he wants, and he promises to tell me.

Me: Hey, SRH, what do you want for Christmas this year?

SRH: Huh? Oh. I’m not sure. I don’t really need anything.

Me: Well, get to thinking about it buddy, because I’m not killing myself this year trying to come up with thoughtful, creative gift for you that you’ll never use because you didn’t want it anyway. I want ideas!

SRH: Huh? Oh. Okay. I’ll come up with something.

About a month before Christmas, we have an eerily similar conversation.

Me: SRH, what do you want for Christmas? It’s coming right up, you know.

SRH: Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it (which is such a lie because SRH doesn’t think about anything I ask him to unless I write it on his hand), and I can’t really come up with anything.

Me: Well, I need to put something under the tree for you. I’m going shopping this weekend, so you need to come up with a list.

SRH: Huh? Oh. I’ll get you a list by this weekend. (This, of course, is said without any intention of giving me an actual list, because that would spoil his nefarious schemes.)

So about a week before Christmas (right around now for instance), I start to freak out because I don’t have the perfect – or any significant - gift for my beloved. I have little things, but no gift that expresses my sincere appreciation for all the wonderful loving and giving things he does throughout the year. A gift that is both romantic and appeals to his joie de vivre. THE gift. And I don’t have it.

And I never do at this time of the year.

So last year, I panicked and got him an iPod. I braved the Apple Store three days before Christmas and bought a much nicer version than I was intending because, well, that’s what they had left. That at least stopped my hyperventilating, but then I figured that the gift needed an accompaniment, something besides one stupid gift – even if it was a big one, and I bought him a gym membership.

Of course, SRH likes to say that the only thing I didn’t get him last year was a pair of size 32 jeans that had a note pinned onto them that said Fit into these tubby, but I know that this is just deflection from the real issue that he gets nicer gifts when he doesn’t give me any ideas.

I panic. I spend. And SRH just sits back and gets all the benefits.

Unsurprisingly, this is a tactic he has used again this year. So lay it on me, what should I get a guy who doesn’t want anything?