Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Last Minute Christmas Shopping

I have now discovered that my beloved partner, SRH, has an evil-genius plan to get the best Christmas gifts of anyone in our family. And here’s how he does it:

Two to three months before the big day, I ask him what he wants, and he promises to tell me.

Me: Hey, SRH, what do you want for Christmas this year?

SRH: Huh? Oh. I’m not sure. I don’t really need anything.

Me: Well, get to thinking about it buddy, because I’m not killing myself this year trying to come up with thoughtful, creative gift for you that you’ll never use because you didn’t want it anyway. I want ideas!

SRH: Huh? Oh. Okay. I’ll come up with something.

About a month before Christmas, we have an eerily similar conversation.

Me: SRH, what do you want for Christmas? It’s coming right up, you know.

SRH: Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it (which is such a lie because SRH doesn’t think about anything I ask him to unless I write it on his hand), and I can’t really come up with anything.

Me: Well, I need to put something under the tree for you. I’m going shopping this weekend, so you need to come up with a list.

SRH: Huh? Oh. I’ll get you a list by this weekend. (This, of course, is said without any intention of giving me an actual list, because that would spoil his nefarious schemes.)

So about a week before Christmas (right around now for instance), I start to freak out because I don’t have the perfect – or any significant - gift for my beloved. I have little things, but no gift that expresses my sincere appreciation for all the wonderful loving and giving things he does throughout the year. A gift that is both romantic and appeals to his joie de vivre. THE gift. And I don’t have it.

And I never do at this time of the year.

So last year, I panicked and got him an iPod. I braved the Apple Store three days before Christmas and bought a much nicer version than I was intending because, well, that’s what they had left. That at least stopped my hyperventilating, but then I figured that the gift needed an accompaniment, something besides one stupid gift – even if it was a big one, and I bought him a gym membership.

Of course, SRH likes to say that the only thing I didn’t get him last year was a pair of size 32 jeans that had a note pinned onto them that said Fit into these tubby, but I know that this is just deflection from the real issue that he gets nicer gifts when he doesn’t give me any ideas.

I panic. I spend. And SRH just sits back and gets all the benefits.

Unsurprisingly, this is a tactic he has used again this year. So lay it on me, what should I get a guy who doesn’t want anything?

17 comments:

nancy said...

Can't say here in case he peeks...but I would like to email you what I think is a good idea. email me...nkoehleratvideotrondotca

Dustin said...

The gift that keeps on giving.

I don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but I'm doing a little "shoppping" for my blog buddies (as in virtual and not real) and I've found SRH the perfect gift. Yours I'm still working on.

Anonymous said...

Wifey, I work with SRH and have a great idea. email me at sshortridgeatburnipdotcom

Cheers!

Zany Mama said...

nancy-
You are so right - SRH is such a peeker. It's quite ironic really because he says he doesn't want anything, but then he goes crazy waiting to see what presents are under the tree.

I will email you shortly!

dustin-
While I appreciate your virtual shopping for SRH, massage chairs just aren't in the budget this year. (or probably next year, either. Although I'm quite sure that I'm going to become miraculously wealthy within the next five years, so it is an option for the future.)

But if it's the thought that counts in virtual-gifting, you're a top notch gifter.

Anon-
Ooh! Ooh! I can't wait to hear. Expect an email from me shortly.

Anonymous said...

After 2 1/2 years of working with SRH I've learned he has a few loves, one is SHOES! Others include his family and ranch dressing. SO, I'm thinking Shoes!

Tree Monkey

Anonymous said...

I asked my Mom this very question earlier this morning, and here is her list:
1) Handkerchiefs
2) Socks
3) Nice pen
4) Old Spice (soap on a rope, anyone?)
Here is my sister's list:
1) nose hair clippers
2) subscription to Newsweek
3) car wash gift certificates
4) gift basket from the Date Farm
Here is my gift list for my husband, Dad and brothers-in-law.
1) Strange and unusual jams.
2) Ball cap display rack.
3) Shadow boxed childhood pictures.
4) shot glass collection display shelf.
5) T-shirt
6) Coffee cup for work.
My brothers are all getting McDonalds gift cards. That's what they get for living in Hawaii.

SRH said...

Wifey, I do believe you are giving me waaay more credit than is due. "Evil Genius??!?!?!" Come on, anyone who knows me knows that genius is way more than I deserve. "Evil happlessly lucky guy" maybe, but "genius"... umm No.

Way more credit than is due, Wifey. Way More.

allrileyedup said...

Get him a copy of Gladiator. I think he'll love it.

My hubby likes to make the 'I don't need anything' claim and I usually wind up getting him guitar-related paraphernalia that I have no idea what their uses are, but have charmed some teenager at Guitar Center to help me find.

Zany Mama said...

Tree Monkey-
Good suggestion, except that I've taken him to Nordstroms and we've shopped online, and he can't find a pair he likes.

He's a very tough nut to crack this year!

Anon-
They're just lucky you don't give them a flaming bag of dog poo. Living in Hawaii. Bah humbug!

SRH-
That innocent routine wont' work with me. I've been with you over 11 years. The evil genius moniker stays.

Riley-
Hmmm...Gladiator. You may have something there.

belsum said...

I was gonna suggest McDonalds gift certificates but it looks like I was beaten to the punch!

allrileyedup said...

Upon reading some of SRH's blog today, I actually would like to change my gift recommendation to a yeti head mounted on a wall plate.

Nadolny said...

Hmmm,

How about:

1. combien his yeti and shoe passions with yeti shoes (ebay ends in 8 hours)

http://cgi.ebay.com/NEW-MENS-MERRELL-YETI-CHAMELEON-HIGH-BOOTS-10-150_W0QQitemZ280061619202QQihZ018QQcategoryZ63850QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

2. a yeti action fig (ends in 78 hours on ebay).

http://cgi.ebay.com/Ultraman-Monster-Woo-Yeti-Bandai-6-Action-Figure_W0QQitemZ200059383093QQihZ010QQcategoryZ50284QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

3. another pair of yeti boots on ebay

http://cgi.ebay.com/Mens-furry-white-yeti-boots-size-M-42-44_W0QQitemZ270069607986QQihZ017QQcategoryZ63850QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Nadolny said...

bah, typo, yeti action fig ends in 8 hours, not 78

Andrea said...

See, if someone told me they needed nothing, I'd get them nothing.

And I bet next year he'd give you a list, too.

Kristi said...

Amazon gift list. I actually created one for my husband and picked something off of it. Because he refused to ask for anything.

Men. Hmmph.

Anonymous said...

- Shiatsu/massage cushion?
- CD cases?
- Book by P.J. O'Rourke ("Give War a Chance," "Eat the Rich," "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut")
- Fencing/Ballroom Dance Lessons
- Cool key chain
- "Seven Samurai" DVD
- "Constantine" DVD
- Cowboy boots
- A bottle of Asti Spumanti

Zany Mama said...

belsum-
I feel that I cannot in good conscience get him McDonald's gift certificates the Christmas after buying him a gym membership. It just seems wrong somehow.

(Maybe, I'll get him Wendy's ones. That restaurant is healthier, right?)

riley-
Alas, the yeti's wife and I have an agreement never to get mixed up in the mess of our weirdo partners. I tend to think putting up her hubby's head on my wall might break our uneasy peace.

But thanks for the idea!

nadolny-
Thanks for all the research you've obviously done. I am not an experinced e-bay consumer, but I'll check it out. I'm feeling particulary partial to the yeti boots. I believe they might come in handy for some of our private shenanigans!

andrea-
So you'd call his bluff, huh? Intriguing. But I'm not sure I could live with all the guilt on Christmas morning, although SRH would probably be fine.

kristi-
My question is how did you know what to put on the list in the first place? I can't get SRH to admit that he likes much of anything. Except shoes - and only then when I have no plans to buy them.

I talked to someone else today whose partner was all "I don't need anything" - we both agreed that this is a particularly obnoxious characteristic.

anon-
I'm just sorry I don't know who you are, since SRH is really going to appreciate the ballroom dancing lessons. It will remind him of the months before our wedding, which were ever so fun.

I'll let him know it was all your idea, though.