Thursday, June 29, 2006

LOST

What? a yoga mat – in particular, a black yoga mat

Where? Last seen during a yoga practice which was taking place on said mat.

May have fallen out of owner’s car, but really, the thing weighs 6.5 pounds, I probably would have noticed that. OR May have been left at the studio – in which case, there is a thieving yogi that I’m now out for.

When? Probably on Tuesday of last week since I don’t remember having it after that. Saturday, when I showed up for practice, it was gone. Some of you dedicated yogis or other similarly obsessed exercisers might be doing the mental math right now and realizing that this means that I hadn’t practiced for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT, but you’re probably one of those mat-stealing types, so me and my flabby thighs are not concerned with your judgment. (Well, the flabby thighs might be a little concerned, but my intellect and a peanut buster parfait will soon overrule them).

How? That’s what I really can’t figure out. How could I misplace or mislay a big, black, bulky mat – one that won’t fit in a typical yoga bag or roll up neatly due to its gargantuan size? I have carried that stupid mat with me for five years. Is my mama brain now so fried that I’d just forget where I put it? I mean, I’ve had that mat longer than I’ve had my child. The implications for my parenting aren’t good on this one.

So, if you have any ideas where I could have put my mat – or any yogis you’d like to accuse of theft - drop me a comment. Or if you just want to commiserate and let me know the dumbest thing you’ve ever lost, I’d take that, too.

9 comments:

peefer said...

I don't mean to sound strange, but could it be in you? Yoga is funny that way.

peefer said...

And hello.

And no, no one has ever told me I'm a frightening individual. Funny you should ask.

Mom said...

You might check wherever you found the iron you lost for two years.

Make sure little man has my phone number in his pocket at all times.

SRH said...

Is this the same Mom who lost a pair of shoes in the trunk of a car and insisted that someone stole them? Just curious? You know the whole glass house vis-a-vis stones thingy right?

Zany Mama said...

Hello Peefer-
I have been feeling a little bloated lately. You might be onto something...

I don't scare easily - remember, I'm married to SRH.

Mom-
I could give Zane your phone number but since you never have your phone on, I can't see that it would help.

SRH -
Word.

zingerzapper said...

Did you not listen to me before? I told you that it was payback from the yogi's you chose to ignore because you were so busy reading your book. They are now forcing you to engage in conversation. It should go something like this.
ZM: So, it seems I've lost my mat. Has anyone seen it?
Y: What did it look like?
ZM: It was a huge black mat that weighed more than my child.
Y: Hmm, did it look something like mine?
ZM: Oh wow, I can't believe you found it. Thanks.
Y: Oh, this isn't yours. I just found it on the street outside of the studio. I feel so lucky.
ZM: But I lost it outside of the studio.
Y: Oh well, maybe if I knew you better I would have checked with you. But for now I'm sure it isn't yours. By the way, wanna have lunch?

Oh karma is a lovely thing

Zany Mama said...

Zinger Zapper -
Your cruelty - especially that line about the mat weighing more than my child - is unsurpassed. I'd vow revenge against you, but you kinda have a point on that karma thing.

Zooland said...

I put an ad for you in the "lost pets" section of the dispatch.

Zany Mama said...

zooland -
Alas, I have already given up and bought a new mat. If you're really interested in assisting me, you can reimburse me the $80 I just spent for a new mat when I have a perfectly good mat around here somewhere...

Not interested? Well, okay, fine.