Friday, April 28, 2006

Hair Salon Philosophy

So my major indulgence today was going to get my hair done. Since I don’t lead an exciting life full of parties, dates, and formal events, I rely on this bimonthly sojourn to the stylist as my “cool time”. The folks at the salon do go to parties, on dates, and dance at formal events. They also know about the hippest places in town (which I never go to) and eat at the newest restaurants (which I hardly ever like as I’m a very picky eater and hate cheese).

Anyway, blessing of all blessings, the receptionist at the salon was looking at the newest edition of People magazine – their 100 Most Beautiful issue. Since she knows that I have a unhappy addiction to celebrity gossip mags (I know they support the paparazzi which is wrong and parasitic, but I can’t find it in myself to turn down a free look at a cover with Brangelina on it), the receptionist – who does have a name, but for purposes of anonymity I won't divulge it - let me look at the magazine before she’d even finished it. I must have looked desperate for a fix.

So the magazine was all celebrity gossiping, and I was having a great time looking at the pics and saying “Oh my gosh, can you believe it?” and “I don’t even find him that cute” and “Hmmm…he’s yummy”, when I came across a story about twin infant boys who need heart transplants, and the next page was the story of a five-year-old little girl who forgave the man who shot her.

I turned to my stylist (who also has a name) and said, “See this is why I prefer Us Weekly to People. Us Weekly doesn’t cover up its gossip in a thin veneer of human interest stories. People uses stories of children to inspire people and make them think they are not supporting a shallow rag of a magazine. I like my gossip straight up, thank you.”

Sir stylist says, “That’s right. You just need to embrace the shallow. Just do it. Embrace it. We all have it. Embrace the shallow.”

I was dumbstruck. I’m not sure I have ever heard truer words – okay, there is that quote by Audre Lorde about the master’s tools, but I’m totally loving “Embrace the Shallow” as a mantra.

So that’s what I’m going to do today. I’m going to stop fighting it and embrace the shallow. And here are three things I’m committing to today, that evidence this new EMBRACE THE SHALLOW philosophy:

  1. I am NOT going to yoga class this evening – it would mess up my hair. No really, I just got it done. Why should I go sweat and just have to do it all over? It looks pretty nice today, and I’m not going to let exercise mess that up.
  1. I am not going to look at any blogs that have pink as their main page color. I do actually like pink, but today I do not care to read blogs where I’m looking at Pepto Bismol or other similarly soft, girly colors. Good blogs clearly have dark green, taupe, yellow, and sage polka dots.
  1. I’m going to continue calling the neighbor ladies “The Big One” and “The Little One” even though I think I know their names. Please be aware that these monikers refer to their heights, not their girths. I’m sure they wouldn’t be pleased, but I wasn’t pleased last Halloween when they tried to bribe all the neighborhood kids with, “We’ll give you candy, if you tell your parents to vote for Bush.” Maybe these nicknames make us even.

So tomorrow I will – hopefully – move onto a more meaningful, deeper, altruistic existence. Today, I’m all about embracing the shallow. Come clean, how do you guys embrace the shallow?


SRH said...

mmmmm shallow....

I swear, my knowledge of fashion/shoes and celebrity gossip, makes me one of the "girls" at my work.

Zany Mama said...


Honey, these things make you one of the girls at home, too.

lis said...

Well, ya'll do live in lesbian central.

I embrace the shallow by choosing to work my abs rather than do my dishes. It's not like any comes over to see my filthy apartment, but they do occasionally see me out and about in cute clothes.

Anonymous said...

Will watch the NFL draft today.

Zany Mama said...

I’m wondering if I led us down a path where assumptions were made about my neighbors beyond that they are big and small, respectively – and maybe that led us into tricky territory. My belief is that while “in-group” you can make comments about your own people. Those of us in the “out-group”, however, aren’t allowed to make those same comments. So, Lis, if you are a lesbian – carry on with the “Clintonville-has-a-lot-of- lesbians” comments. If you aren’t, then we should probably be a little careful. I’m sure there are 10,000 lesbian women who read this blog daily, and we wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings.

As for abs over dishes, I say kudos to you! I don’t think that’s shallow at all. If I thought there was a chance in hades that I could tone and strengthen my abs, I’d do that before ANYTHING else, especially dishes.

Anon –
You watched the draft? That’s not shallow, it’s just sad – oh, and weird. :)

lis said...

Oh, see, my point was that SRH being one of "the girls" was consistent with the demographics of your neighborhood. That's all. And I wasn't making assumptions- I was repeating what you told me. You big gossiper, you.

Zany Mama said...

So sorry I misunderstood your comment. Doggone internet, and its leading to misunderstandings. That's why anything important should probably not be sent via email and or put on a blog, but I prefer to walk on the wild side most days. I am, indeed, a big old gossiper - will have to watch that in the future! :)

Anonymous said...

i too wish to embrace the shallow, but damn, that story about those twin boys really got to me. i mean i was swooning over that guy from grey's anatomy one second and feeling weepy the second. i like people because it won't allow me to embrace the shallow fully. i need to be reminded of the real world lest i let my dedication to the decidely unreal world of celebrities further distract me from my children. as in, here are these nice pretty people, lalala, oh look at these sweet babies and one of them got a new heart and the other needs one, and wait, don't i have twins babies, where are they? which inevitably leads to a statement like "ants are not food! stop eating those ants!" or "pee is not for splashing in!" my dedication to reading people weekly, cover to cover, on the day it arrives, makes me a bad parent, so in turn, people likes to throw something in to remind me to look up every once in a while to prevent extensive litigation. okay, see you on sunday. -m (r, a, f, and e)

Anonymous said...

Sad and weird! No sadder or weirder than celebrity peeping! Watching the draft is also shallow. PLEASE do not be the shallow police. This whole conversation has been suspect.

Zany Mama said...

Oh I see, so you use People as a sort of "egg timer" to make sure you are minding the children. It reminds you to look up and see what they're doing. I am totally down with that. As a mama who has the ability to completely lose herself in a celebrity gossip rag, I could use any and all checks and balances.

Anon -
Alas, you are entirely correct. I did the worst offense, I invited people to share their shallow and then judged them for it. Not fair of me. Not fair at all.

I would like to know what pleasure you derive from watching the draft, however. Is it that you get to see big, hunky men? Do they even show the big, hunky men? Do you like to forecast how the draft picks will affect the teams? Are you into how random chance, power, and influence intersect to affect a national pastime? Just curious.

All -
So, through this post and its ensuing comments, I have learned that I am shallow, judgemental, jump to conclusions, gossippy, and probably a little paranoid. Who knew a blog could lead to such insights? Well, just like I've done for years in therapy, I'm going to assume this insight didn't happen. I'm carrying on as usual.