In Which She Returns in a Blaze of Brilliance

After you don’t blog for a while - say, 7 months and 18 days - it’s kinda hard to come back. I mean, I’ve got plenty to say. And some of it could be mildly entertaining. Since I play hermit, my friends and family ask me to blog so that they can know the babies are still alive. And yet, I demur.

I wonder, What warrants a return to the blogging after such a prolonged absence?

The answer: I got nothing. But here’s what passed through my mind today as bloggable.

• Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Awesome, right? I mean, they clean a stain BY DISAPPEARING THEMSELVES. I do wonder what kind of time-space continuum altering technology they have patented to make that happen, but that just increases my admiration. Not so fast with the love, though. I found out today that those duplicitous magic erasers - while still disappearing to the naked eye - actually create a dull, perhaps non-removable film on polished wood. I really wish I had known this before using it all over my new-ish dining room table. Turns out all work and no-reading instructions (which clearly say not to use on polished wood) make for a fugly dining room table. Ugh.

• Still haven’t gotten a facebook account. I can feel myself losing relevance daily.

• Last weekend, I single-handedly unloaded and dispersed upon my yard over 1,200 pounds of mulch. Wasn’t it me who was so sorely-injured 6 1/2 years ago that I could not walk 2 blocks without major back and hip pain? Remember when I had to plan my trips to the bathroom because I couldn’t feel anything below my waist resulting in several embarrassing puddles on my stairs as I waited too long? Ain’t I the woman who came home from the hospital with a new baby - and a walker? Indeed, yes that was me. I myself find this feat of mulching to be a triumph of one woman’s will to heal - and a ton of therapeutic massage and chiropractic adjustment. I’m back to fighting form, friends. (Well, perhaps not fighting form.)

• Which brings me to my latest pet peeve. Since when did it become okay to insult folks by referencing mothers? In the past two weeks, I’ve heard folks disparagingly reference mom jeans, mom bodies, mom-flavored haggis. (Okay, maybe not the haggis, but it is coming I imagine.) And don’t even get me started on MILF...there could not be a more back asswards compliment. Wait, I think this could be my next post. Never mind.

• I’ve come to a decision. I am done looking at comments on the internets. It makes me doubt my strong pro-humanity stance. So...don’t comment. I won’t read it. Okay, that’s not true, we all know I’ll read it. And I'll probably respond. But make it a decent we’re-all-doing-the-best-we-can-in-this-world kind of comment or I’m blocking you. You know, when I get back to this blog next year.

Awesome.