It's Not a Tooma

In the interest of not being a liar pants, I will tell you about my appointment with the surgeon yesterday. But I don’t want to tell you. I will…but only because I said I would.

If you’ll recall, I had a gallbladder test last week which was both painful and barbaric. Fortunately, it indicated that there is indeed a problem with my gall bladder. The doctor said that most gall bladders do their gall bladder thing at a rate of 50% blah, blah, blah.

My gall bladder is currently under-performing at a rate of 32.5%. Splendid, I thought. They’ll take the blessed thing out, and I can go back to my diet of red meat and sausage.

Not so quick, my petite pumpkin. While half of all surgeons will remove a gall bladder functioning at under 35%, my particular surgeon holds himself (and my organs) to a more stringent standard. In his estimation, the organ must be functioning at 30% or below to warrant removal. Therefore, he does not recommend surgery at this point.

Me: Well, I am disappointed, but at least I got confirmation that it is indeed my gall bladder, so next time this happens maybe I can get it resolved more quickly. (I smile hopefully but not, I pray, desperately.)

Surgeon: Well, there is actually something else…

Me: (smile frozen)

Surgeon: The HIDAScan found a benign mass on your liver.

There was lots more explanation after that, including how long term use of birth control pills can lead to such a mass or maybe it’s a clump of blood vessels, but really the final message was …blah, blah, blah…there’s something foreign on your liver, and we’re not sure what it is.

So, here’s me, a cranky mommy blogger with a mass of something or other on my liver.

Me: But at least it’s benign right?

Surgeon: I’m 99.9% sure that it’s benign.

Well, thank goodness for that.

I figure that surgeons don’t throw out the “99.9% sure” phrase for just anything. He’s got to be pretty confident; therefore, I am confident.

I do feel pretty good about it all – except that it means that I have to go for more testing next week to get some specs on the I'm-sure-it's-benign mass.

Surgeon: We’ll just need to get a good look at the tumor to clarify exactly what it is. Then, we’ll have you repeat the test next year to see if the tumor – well, it’s not really a tumor, I shouldn’t call it that – to see if the mass has gotten smaller.

Me: If it’s not really a tumor, can we not call it a tumor?

Surgeon: Oh, of course. It’s a mass. Sorry about that.

So, this is how I take control of a situation. I word smith it.

My coping is phenomenal.

But I truly am feeling positive and fairly un-worried. I will feel better, however, after the test results come back verifying that my liver may have lumps but none of them are cancerous.

Now, if I could just get rid of this pesky gall bladder.