Sunday, November 12, 2006

Whitney Houston, We Have a Problem

Compared to our recent issues, this problem is no big deal. But I feel sure that it’s the first step down a long, expensive road for all of us. After all, I’m sure that Henry VIII’s first marriage seemed okay, but then he got greedy for more, and two divorces and an equal number of beheadings later, he finally passed to the other side in the arms of his sixth wife.

Zane has, all unwittingly, developed a similar hunger - for lip balm.

It started out innocently enough. A little bit of chapping on the lips. Rifling through his grandmother’s purse. And Poof! A little boy who thinks lip balm is the bee’s knees and shrieks and giggles as he smacks it on his lips.

This is where we started.

Blistex DCT Lip Balm, approximate cost $2.00.

Then, in order to avoid the pesky effects of the lip balm tub, which include yucky, sticky fingers and the look of having just eaten a pork chop, we moved onto this.

Burt’s Bees Lip Balm, approximate cost $2.50.

Then, I happened to get a free lip balm at our local C.O. Bigelow, and I made the mistake of letting him use it once.

C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine, approximate cost – a whopping $7.50!

Now, he won’t use anything else. No, Zane want green lip balm, he says. Mint, he demands.

I can’t support this habit. Who buys $7.50 lip balm for themselves, let alone a small child? I’m going to have to take out a second mortgage just to keep his lips smooth and supple and his breath fresh. (The fresh breath thing is a claim the lip balm makes, and I thought it was complete bunk until I used it. It really does work.)

What’s next - $100 shampoo? 1,200 thread count sheets? A demand for clothes only from the best European boutiques?


Dustin said...

I wish I could offer words of wisdom here, but unfortunately I suffer from the same afflication. Granted, I'm not picky about the brand, but I've always got to have something or bad things happen.

Chapstick is a cruel mistress.

kimmyk said...

Y'know...I'm with Dustin. I can't say a word. I'm hooked. I'm addicted to Carmex. Creamy goodness. Gotta love it. You know what you could do? Avon has those flavored lip smacks for like 50 cents a tube now for the holidays-get 'em those in the flavors maybe.

Zany Mama said...

Lip balm addiction does seem to be a genetic trait for us. I, too, am never without it. And while I generally tend to like things that are more expensive, i.e. the co bigelow balm, I actually quite prefer Burt's Bees.

If it's good enough for Julia Roberts, it's good enough for me. (Info courtesy of In Style magazine, circa 1998.)

I believe that there is a secret community of those of us who can't get enough of the balm. Coming forward out of our denial is the first step.

Consider this post my coming forward for both Zane and myself.

I'll check out the lip smacks. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I so can't blame him. That mint stuff from CG Bigelow is all that I will you use too. I usually get them for $5, which is still a crap load of money for chapstick goodness. But now that I'm unemployed, I think I will have to switch to a cheaper brand. BOOOO! Chapstick or food, that is the ? of the day.

Ex-Tree Monkey

Dustin said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again...if not being able to function in everyday life because of your obessive need to have your lips coated in a 1 part wax, 3 part lotion substance at all times is wrong...then I don't want to be right.

Anonymous said...

Good lord, well, now you have your currency....he can EARN the Bigelow: potty training, using the inhaler, betime... Bigelow can be yours if....!

Anonymous said...

Whoops, that was me :)

Zany Mama said...

Tree Monkey (you will always be a tree monkey to me)-

I did see the special they are running where you can get 3 lip balms for $15, and I was sorely tempted. But I think it best not to get started on such an expensive habit.

Also, I feel quite clearthat you will not be allowed to starve. You are an only child after all. I know how that deal works. My mom just brought me my favorite dessert because it's Tuesday - that's how it works for onlies.

Buy the chapstick, the food will come.

LOL! You speak sooth.

The whole privileges thing isn't working out so well at our house. I'm going to have to re-think my strategy. I have truly birthed SRH's child - impossible to motivate and/or discipline.

My mother-in-law warned me about this. I hate it when she's right.

Kristi said...

At least it's not lipstick. Then you might have a real problem.

Zany Mama said...

If it was lipstick, I'm sure it wouldn't take him long to bypass maybelline or revlon. He'd be right onto chanel, baby.

I am so going to be a broke parent.

Anonymous said...

I overcame lib balm addiction by transfering natural skin oil from my forehhead to my lips. I used my knuckle to do this because it stays clean longer. It took a few days for my lips to get back to normal.