Friday, June 09, 2006


I’ve been thinking about relationships lately. I mean intimate relationships, not the relationship with my mother, or my friends, or the postman (which is NOT intimate, no matter what lies he spreads) or even the one I have with my child.

I’m talking about those relationships that show you the best – and worst – of who you are. The relationship with your beloved. Call them your partner, spouse, ball and chain, significant other, life mate, or your love monkey. Whatever you call them, the person with whom you wake up every morning and have no plans of ever being away from.

In my world, I call that person my soul mate. I know this term is a bit over-the-top and romantically idealistic, but it’s a term that I do use when I think about my relationship with SRH. To be clear, I do not mean soul mate in the way of “kismet souls who are yearning for each other and are only complete when they are finally, inevitably in a sacred union”. I tend to be a little more pragmatic than that.

No, when I talk about soul mates, I tend to think of folks who have shown each other their very souls – the good, bad, and ugly – and have accepted that other soul and decided to love it in all it’s complexity – both the obvious and the hidden aspects. I think that SRH and I have that with each other.

I routinely admit to him my most base, unattractive attitudes and thoughts (i.e. I do NOT think that all babies are cute. Sometimes I think that they are so ugly that I shudder inside and feel a little bad for their parents), and he tends to just take it stride. SRH also attended to me at my physically weakest – incontinent and unable to walk after my labor with Zane – and never batted an eye. Perhaps, he gets the willies on the inside, but he never outwardly tells me what a freak I am.

In turn, I do not hold it against him that I have never been able to touch the bottom of his belly button – it’s scary down there! – or the fact that he has the social consciousness of a flea. (Which isn’t actually true anymore, but it was an accurate description when I met him at 20 years old).

Anyway, we love and accept each other’s souls – physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Blah, blah, blah. But what we do not agree on is the way of talking about our relationship.

For example, SRH would never in a million years call me his soul mate. He does not believe that we are destined to be together or that any force of the universe brought us together. In his eyes, we’re two compatible people who work very hard to make our relationship work.

While the latter is, indeed, true, I still use the term soul mate. I don’t know that I think that Destiny brought us together, but I don’t want to piss her off by denying the possibility. I agree that hard work and commitment keep us together, but I think it’s pretty fortuitous that we found each other in the first place.

So imagine my surprise a few weeks ago, when SRH and I had the following conversation:

SRH: Well, I mean, we were meant to be together.

(There’s a pause here as I close my mouth which is gaping open and formulate my next, very careful response. I don’t want to scare him off here.)

ME: Huh? You think we’re meant to be together?

(Graceful, Zany Mama. SRH looks a little startled but then quickly regains his equilibrium).

SRH: Well, yeah. I mean, as much as I believe any of that happy horseshit.

Ah, love.


lsig said...

That SRH. Last of the true romantics.

Anonymous said...

you are such a cheesewad. and i am such a grown up. this is a point where we differ. the child molesting, though, that'll keep the gang together. wait, was that funny?

Zany Mama said...


anonymous aka I'm-a-cynical-grownup
I believe the child molesting, substance abuse, and our shared heritage of being children of the seventies forms an unbreakable bond.

To that end, one (even you)cannot remain cynical in the face of the honest, heartfelt, and true words of captain and tenille: (sing with me now)

Love, love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talking girl comes along singing her song
Don't mess around,
You gotta be strong
Just Stop [stop], 'cause I really love You
Stop [stop], I'll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

Anonymous said...

what i really need to know is this: did you already know the song lyrics, or did you have to google them? a lot is riding on your answer, so be honest.

Zany Mama said...

anonymous -
Although "a lot is riding on your answer" seems a little ominous to me, I'm going to honest.

I was having trouble remembering lines 5 and 6, so I did google it. I feel sure, that I would have remembered them eventually, but I'm a busy mama with a house on the market, so I googled to save time.

SRH believes that I have a near savantish ability to remember lyrics to songs and commercial jingles from the time I was growing up.

To that end, I serenade you with the non-googled lyrics to Terence Trent D'Arby's "If You Let Me Stay" - there's no significance to the song itself, it's just one of the songs going through my head right now:

Sweetheart, listen.
I know the last few pages haven't been good for the both of us,
and I've caused you a lot of grief, but put those bags down, okay.
Before you make a decision like that, please just listen to me.
Cause I don't want you to leave.
I definitely don't want you to leave.
Just hear me out.

Hoo! Honey, don't leave me now
with my head on my shoulders wrong.
Have I done something wrong, for you to leave?
I know I've been careless girl, and
I must apologize.
I'll try better next time, baby,
if you let me stay.

Now that I've answered honestly, are we still allowed to come over and play?

Anonymous said...

i lied. nothing was really riding on your answer. except that i would have googled it. not that i wouldn't have remembered the lyrics necessarily. but in order to be able to sound cool while casually mentioning lyrics and the like, you need to make sure you have them correct. it's uncool to quote something incorrectly. i get sort of manic about it. i was just testing your me-ness. of course you can still come play. all day, every day, if you'd like. well, not fridays. okay, m