Spa Getaway

Yesterday, I got back from a “girls weekend” with three of my closest women-friends (These are your new handles, ladies. Deal with it):

• Zingerzapper – Feisty and a very-good-reckless-driver, Zingerzapper is the friend who will tell it to you straight and always be there when you’ve messed up anyway. No one is more loyal, true, or sarcastic.

• Elengant – About 7 feet tall with a gracious manner, Elengant immediately puts others at ease and is okay having the party at her house at a moment’s notice, because her house is always clean anyway. Folks just want to be around her.

• Beauty Queen- Although she has perfect hair and brows at all times, Beauty Queen is not shallow and vain. She’s put together. (Remind me at some time to tell you about how I walked into her room while she was laboring with her first child to find her sleeping with a hair brush in her hand). She’s the friend you call if you want to know ANYTHING about parenting.

Between us, we have 6 children, 35 years of marriage, and lots of stories to tell about working in the salt mines of the Battered Women’s Movement.

Anyway, the weekend was delightful and full of laughter, storytelling, and bonding. It was fabulous. On the other hand, there were a few not-so-delightful moments, and I thought I’d share those, too.

DELIGHTFUL: A child- and husband-free weekend at the spa for four close girlfriends who have known each other for 7+ years.

UN-DELIGHTFUL: The impetus for the trip was the fact that Beauty Queen is leaving us to move to another state. This, even though, when I met her 8 years ago, she swore that I could get attached to her because they had no plans to move away. I specifically asked. She specifically said that they weren’t moving. Fast forward eight years, and now it’s all, We have to move for Jon’s job. It’s the best thing for our family. Blah, blah, blah.

DELIGHTFUL: I had a Body Rejuvenating Treatment, Aromatic Manicure, and Aromatic Pedicure back to back. It was a half day of pampering and indulgence. After our treatments, we sat by the pool in our robes and slippers, watched the water, and celebrity gossiped.

LESS-THAN-DELIGHTFUL: I had the same person for all three of my treatments. You know what they say, Jack of All Trades, Master of None. That would be an apt description. The stinky thing was that I knew that I was in the hands of an “inexpert” as soon as the massage started. My thought was, There are massage therapists, and there are people who have been taught how to do massage- badly. I got the latter.

So, my person-who-has-been-taught-how-to-do-massage started off with a face and head massage. Cool. Except that she used body massage oil all over my face. It was heavy. It was greasy. It was unpleasant. And I swear she used half the bottle just on my “prone to act oily” t-zone. It was like the lady was trying to make me break out. I just sat there thinking, Cripes, let’s back off on the oil, Splashy McGreasyFingers.

After my other treatments, I thought about getting a facial just to get rid of all the scum on my face, but I would have had the SAME person doing that, so I passed. I just scrubbed my face with the steaming towels once she left the room. However, when I woke up the next morning my chin resembled a lumpy potato it was so broken out.

DELIGHTFUL: Great food and fruity drinks with friends.

PATENTLY UN-DELIGHTFUL: We drove around for about an hour looking for a restaurant for dinner. I believe it was Elengant who said, Let’s just get in the car. We’ll find someplace. She may be smart and sophisticated, but the plan was flawed. In hindsight, packing four hungry women in a car and heading toward “the water” is not such a great plan, especially since one of the women is me – who is notoriously belligerent and mean when famished.

Also, when long-time friends get together, there is a certain amount of cruelty that reigns. For example, at one point someone said, Hey let’s look at Zany Mama’s debit card picture. That one always cracks me up! Zany Mama, you should put that picture on your blog. You have such a pea head in it. Much hilarity ensued. Yes, much hilarity.

There's lots of juicy stuff I could tell you from the weekend, but my favorite quote was, Zingerzapper close your robe!

Anyway, it was a fabulous weekend with fabulous women, and I’m glad to be back home.