Monday, May 22, 2006

Spa Getaway

Yesterday, I got back from a “girls weekend” with three of my closest women-friends (These are your new handles, ladies. Deal with it):

  • Zingerzapper – Feisty and a very-good-reckless-driver, Zingerzapper is the friend who will tell it to you straight and always be there when you’ve messed up anyway. No one is more loyal, true, or sarcastic.
  • Elengant – About 7 feet tall with a gracious manner, Elengant immediately puts others at ease and is okay having the party at her house at a moment’s notice, because her house is always clean anyway. Folks just want to be around her.
  • Beauty Queen- Although she has perfect hair and brows at all times, Beauty Queen is not shallow and vain. She’s put together. (Remind me at some time to tell you about how I walked into her room while she was laboring with her first child to find her sleeping with a hair brush in her hand). She’s the friend you call if you want to know ANYTHING about parenting.

Between us, we have 6 children, 35 years of marriage, and lots of stories to tell about working in the salt mines of the Battered Women’s Movement.

Anyway, the weekend was delightful and full of laughter, storytelling, and bonding. It was fabulous. On the other hand, there were a few not-so-delightful moments, and I thought I’d share those, too.

DELIGHTFUL: A child- and husband-free weekend at the spa for four close girlfriends who have known each other for 7+ years.

UN-DELIGHTFUL: The impetus for the trip was the fact that Beauty Queen is leaving us to move to another state. This, even though, when I met her 8 years ago, she swore that I could get attached to her because they had no plans to move away. I specifically asked. She specifically said that they weren’t moving. Fast forward eight years, and now it’s all, We have to move for Jon’s job. It’s the best thing for our family. Blah, blah, blah.

DELIGHTFUL: I had a Body Rejuvenating Treatment, Aromatic Manicure, and Aromatic Pedicure back to back. It was a half day of pampering and indulgence. After our treatments, we sat by the pool in our robes and slippers, watched the water, and celebrity gossiped.

LESS-THAN-DELIGHTFUL: I had the same person for all three of my treatments. You know what they say, Jack of All Trades, Master of None. That would be an apt description. The stinky thing was that I knew that I was in the hands of an “inexpert” as soon as the massage started. My thought was, There are massage therapists, and there are people who have been taught how to do massage- badly. I got the latter.

So, my person-who-has-been-taught-how-to-do-massage started off with a face and head massage. Cool. Except that she used body massage oil all over my face. It was heavy. It was greasy. It was unpleasant. And I swear she used half the bottle just on my “prone to act oily” t-zone. It was like the lady was trying to make me break out. I just sat there thinking, Cripes, let’s back off on the oil, Splashy McGreasyFingers.

After my other treatments, I thought about getting a facial just to get rid of all the scum on my face, but I would have had the SAME person doing that, so I passed. I just scrubbed my face with the steaming towels once she left the room. However, when I woke up the next morning my chin resembled a lumpy potato it was so broken out.

DELIGHTFUL: Great food and fruity drinks with friends.

PATENTLY UN-DELIGHTFUL: We drove around for about an hour looking for a restaurant for dinner. I believe it was Elengant who said, Let’s just get in the car. We’ll find someplace. She may be smart and sophisticated, but the plan was flawed. In hindsight, packing four hungry women in a car and heading toward “the water” is not such a great plan, especially since one of the women is me – who is notoriously belligerent and mean when famished.

Also, when long-time friends get together, there is a certain amount of cruelty that reigns. For example, at one point someone said, Hey let’s look at Zany Mama’s debit card picture. That one always cracks me up! Zany Mama, you should put that picture on your blog. You have such a pea head in it. Much hilarity ensued. Yes, much hilarity.

There's lots of juicy stuff I could tell you from the weekend, but my favorite quote was, Zingerzapper close your robe!

Anyway, it was a fabulous weekend with fabulous women, and I’m glad to be back home.


B said...

Well, IMO the patently-undelightful was actually one of the highlights of the trip for me, come on, when E almost pees her pants at the "ZingerZapper is on the DL" comment and we have to wait until Elegant can breath to go into the "best restaurant in town" The Outback--that's delightful.

Zany Mama said...

b - (I sense you are having trouble with the beauty queen moniker, maybe we can compromise with bq? Face it, your hair always looks fabulous and you are always pulled together.) -
anyway, bq -
If you'll recall, I didn't wait for Elengant to start breathing to run into the restaurant. I left you jokers in the parking lot and used my last bit of strength to get in there and get us a table! I was starving, hostile, and heedless of the fact that Outback being the best restaurant in town was a little riddiculous. Some might even say pathetic.

zingerzapper said...

Okay, I need to pitch in here that the list of undelightful was way longer than delightful. Zany Mama we need to get you out more often. Oh crap, that would mean interacting with people, okay, I get it now. Maybe we could have just stayed in the car and continued with our unusual humor. You really never know when the Po Po gonna get you. I mean we are an unusual looking crew. As far as me closing my robe, I say let the world see the beauty within and whatever is visible. No one should be looking anyway (except a few good men who will remain unnamed). Oh and BQ come to terms with the eyebrows and hair. I mean you walked out of the room and came back with your flowing locks while mine just stayed locked in place from all of the oil. I feel very lucky to have spent the weekend with such amazing friends and I doubt I will ever be lucky enough to move from this state again so ZM you are stuck with me unless you move.

Zany Mama said...

zingerzapper -
I suppose the delightful list was much shorter because, well, it's not as entertaining to talk about the good times. I'm an artist - propelled by the pain in my life. Or some other such nonsense.

Believe me, I understand that it is going to take a cross-country move and a protection order to get you out of my life. I'm somewhat resigned to that. sigh.